Letter to 12 Year Old GillyB

Dear GillyB

I know you’re frightened and confused. 

You’re struggling to understand all the emotions that are racing through your head right now; desperately trying to figure out how the world will work now that your dad isn’t here anymore.

It’s overwhelming when the waves of grief come, when you see your mum and your brothers also looking lost, afraid and so very sad. 

You try to make yourself small and quiet so that you don’t add to their burden. 

You nod when they tell you that everything will be ok, that they will take care of you – but you can see the doubt and pain in their eyes too.

But, even though life does get scarier and you spend years lost in a medicated fog, they kept to their word.  They did their very best to wrap you up in love and keep you safe. 

There is still much laughter in your childhood home – but your dulled brain is so full of fear that you spend your life on high alert anxiously trying to stay away from anything new or that makes you feel uncomfortable.

You will have years of your life where you play small, hide your brightness and deny your gifts. 

But ultimately you will find yourself drawn to people who will guide you back to your beautiful, poetic self. 

Tiny, hesitant steps will put you on the path to transformation, leading you back to your 12 year old self; and you meet her with love, compassion and understanding.

I’m here to thank you for keeping me safe and to tell you that now we can step forwards together, unfurl our beautiful butterfly wings and complete our transformation. 

We don’t need to hide our writing.

We don’t need to seek anyone else’s validation.

We don’t need to stay small. 

It’s our time to be bright, to be bold and to be brave.

So let’s fly!!

PS – You look fab in a hat and when you’re 62 you’ll start to amass quite the colourful collection!

Butterflies & Bangles

She played it small

She played it neat

And tucked her dreams

Beneath her feet

She bit her tongue

She bowed her head

Wore muted thoughts

And black instead

She wrote in ink

But kept it hid

Too full of doubt

For what she did

But time made her bold

Her voice grew clear

The bangles clinked

The girl drew near

No more in black

No more a blur

The world looks brighter

Dressed as her!

So ask her now

What changed her fate?

She stopped obeying

"Too old, Too late"